Leaving Baby for the First Time

I wanted to do a quick post about how I managed leaving Ellie for the first time over the weekend to go to work. 

I got last minute notice that I was to be working at the ‘Pregnancy and Baby Fair’ over the weekend. I said “yes” to working at the event before I processed what I was actually agreeing to…. that being… leaving my baby from 9-5 !!!! “What on earth have I done?!” Was my first thought as I hung up the phone. 

And so cue the mad panic to pump like a dairy cow to ensure I had enough milk to leave with her while I was gone. 

I sat on my couch on Friday night with tears rolling down my cheeks with guilt  that I wouldn’t have enough for her. She slept 8-7 for the first time EVER while I lay beside her wide awake making up all sorts of scenarios that may ensue while I was at work….. typical! 

I got my other half to drop me into the RDS on Saturday morning. I cried saying goodbye… she babbled back with a big smiley head. I worried all morning that she would be screaming crying …. I got a call at lunch to say she was fine. I spent the afternoon fretting that she must be out of milk at this stage. I got a text to say she was sleeping soundly. I spent my lunch pumping on the floor trying get as much as I could. 
5pm eventually came, I met up with my other half and baby at 17:40…. and guess what?! She was still smiling… still intact…. still babbling away to herself … and STILL had a bottle of milk left in the fridge that she didn’t even look for. 

And cue that massive relief that I wasn’t the worst mother in the world for wanting  to work over the weekend. Sunday went  pretty much the exact same way, she was grand and didn’t miss me half as much as I missed her. 

I enjoyed the weekend in the midst of my ‘mom guilt’. I was working at something I enjoyed and I was talking to real life grown ups which I haven’t had much of since she made her entrance in December. 

So, to those of you who have anxiety at the thoughts of leaving your baby for more that two hours, I urge you to just do it! It was exactly what I needed to do, as I hadn’t cut the cord since she came into the world. 

It gave me the opportunity to rediscover my identity as someone other than a mother. It gave my partner time to be in ‘Dad Mode’ on his own, which he enjoyed. And it gave Ellie a chance to highlight to me that she really didn’t give a hoot that I left her! 
And so, the world keeps turning! 

Jessica x. 

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