Wow, even as I typed that title I can feel myself getting a tad teary eyed. I cannot believe how quick the last two years have flown by; and I know it sounds cliché but no one lies when they say that the ‘days are long but the years are fast’.
I remember writing the posts in run up to Ellie’s first birthday last year and it feels like that was only a couple of months ago, but here I am on the eve of my two year anniversary as a Mama . I think we should all celebrate not only our children’s birthday, but take time to reflect back on every year of motherhood that we are blessed to have under our belt. It is the most rewarding, exhausting and joyous role to have in the world.
Two years, 730 days , 17520 hours of watching my heart walk outside of body.
When I think back to the day that I found out I was pregnant I only realize now how young and immature I was. I hadn’t a care in the world, still lived at home, spent my money on whatever I wanted and wasted so much time being idle. Fast forward two years and I have a toddler, house, I’m engaged, and I have endless goals that I’m chipping away at day by day.
I fully believe that Ellie arrived into my life when she did for a reason and I wouldn’t change a thing; the day that I found out I was pregnant I thought my life was over (she was in no way planned!), but now I realize that my life was only starting. I’ve had the happiest and most productive two years since of my life since she arrived and she gives both myself and her Dad a million reasons to try and better ourselves everyday all for her.
Becoming parents in a relationship is such an adjustment; and I have written about how difficult myself and Ben found it to settle into the role of ‘Mammy’ and ‘Daddy’ whilst trying to remember that we were two individuals who fell in love and were in a long-term relationship before this little human arrived. We have probably argued more than we have in our 8.5 years together since Ellie arrived; yet in the same breath we have also fallen in love with each other all over again on a totally new and deeper level now that we are a family.
I think that couples don’t talk about difficulties encountered when transitioning into parenthood enough. You go from having only yourselves and each other to think about, to suddenly having to put yourselves last, the baby first and trying to maintain some semblance of the person you were before becoming a parent. I am so proud that we have managed to get through those tougher days (with more to come I am sure!). It’s hard not to forget that the other person isn’t just Mammy or Daddy but the person you fell in love with way back when.
I didn’t think it was possible to love like I love Ellie. I spent so much of my pregnancy worrying if I wouldn’t be maternal, as I was fairly self centered and set in my ways. I would do anything for that little girl, my goodness she only has to say “Mammy” and I’m a ball of mush (she spent over a year and a half calling me Daddy so the novelty is still very much there!!)
This is a love that is unconditional. I genuinely feel my heart explode some days when I look at her, or when she comes over to give me a kiss and a cuddle. Her innocence to the world amazes me and I love seeing her learn day to day, but I also have an unnerving fear for her as she grows up to realize the harsh realities of this world. I want to protect her from everything and keep her in bubble wrap which I know isn’t possible – but I will try my very best to teach her to see the world with love and kindness and hope to God that she receives it back. There is no worry like a Mothers’
On a personal level, motherhood has given me the push to do things that I put off doing for years (this blog being one of them). I only met a pal for coffee yesterday and I was discussing how I wanted to blog well before Ellie was even in the picture, but I had neither the confidence nor drive to get started. Having Ellie has given me a newfound confidence and self belief. Motherhood has thrown me challenges that I didn’t think I could get through -but I have – and now something as simple as following a passion of mine isn’t an issue anymore. If want to pursue something I just go for it now, life is too short and I want Ellie to grow up with that attitude and self belief and to never hold back on doing things that make her happy. I adore blogging and I’m thrilled to see it growing (albeit small and steady). I have so much in the pipeline coming up over the next few months and I never would have have kept the faith to keep going with it if it wasn’t for Ellie.
I am continually trying to better myself to give her a good life. I work hard on the blog, but I work harder in my real job, and when the shifts are long, tiring and stressful I tell myself to cop on and suck it up because at the end of the day- it is all for her and allows us to give her the comfortable life we want to provide her. Ben works every hour under the sun and always on the harder days he will say “we do this for Ellie” – these little people give you tunnel vision to just get up, dress up and show up!
When I look back over the past two years I have grown from a girl into a woman. I have had the best moments of my life and the most challenging moments also (it’s not all plain sailing, hellll nah!). I learn new things every single day as a Mammy, and when I think that I have one aspect of parenting solved something else pops up that leaves me baffled. Ellie teaches me as much as I teach her; she brings out my silly side that I would often guard, she teaches me to slow down, not sweat the small stuff – and most importantly she helps me to live in the moment. One of the best things she has taught me is that waking up each morning with a big smile on your face like she does, and singing away to her hearts content is most definitely the best start to any day.
Thank you Ellie for the last two years for letting me be your Mammy, I love you beyond measure and look forward with so much excitement for what year two will bring us – as you lie on my chest here before I put you to bed for the last time as a one year old I am beaming with happiness you’re our little bit of magic in everyday –
Love Mammy xxx