2019, well what can I say? It was a shit show! I’m not one to mince my words and I feel there’s no better description than that. 2019 chewed me up and spat me out and while I always try and find a positive from situations, I really struggle to find positives from this year as it is shadowed with so much sadness and unease.
I took a step back with writing and sharing as much as I used to with my blog over the last 12 months as my head hasn’t been in the game and although some may think that blogging and Instagram is about sharing everything about your life online; I am very selective about what I put out there and majority of where my focus has been this year hasn’t been “insta worthy”. Nonetheless I only mention that things haven’t been A-Ok this year as I have to keep it real. Nothing irks me more than seeing people post about their idyllic lives that leave you, the viewer or reader, feeling deflated about your own. Especially at this time of year when everyone is on their “year in review” buzz, which for me isn’t an archive I get much joy from. We all have our shit , and its totally ok to admit to that without having to give deets. Nevertheless I have gained so much comfort and motivation from podcasts this year such as “The Good Glow” by Georgie Crawford, and “The Goop”  among various blog posts ad articles from some really inspirational people who aren’t afraid to lift the lid and share their past and ongoing struggles in life and how they overcome them. There’s strength in numbers and although I won’t share details I hope at least one person reading this will feel less alone about their own problems as lets face it, we all have them. Sharing snippets of life online can allude to a perfect life, I am putting my hands up here 2019 has been far from perfect but I am grateful for getting through it. I hope you are too if it wasn’t an easy one for you.

I am forever thankful to my incredible circle of family and friends, as cliche as it sounds I would be lost without them. I am also thankful for the ones who showed their true colours when the going got tough and simply tapped out from being a part of my life that’s totally ok and I wish you well. To the ones who only “checked in”  when it was convenient for them to gain information share with their pals,I hope you never confide in someone who will do the same back to you. We live and learn.
Writing is a form of therapy for me and this is why I enjoy blogging so much, but when you have so much mental fuzz going on in your head it is very difficult to find the will or interest to write about your “best beauty buys” when you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders. The usual escapism I got from blogging just wasn’t there for me, but I’m making a promise to myself for 2020 to get back into blogging and to clean up this site – perhaps a new username is on the cards too, I feel my content is more of a mixed bag now than the name suggests.
Enough doom and gloom talk, like I said at the beginning I always try and find positives in situations and while there’s an element of sadness in most memories of 2019, there is happiness and joy to be found. First and foremost I am so privileged and blessed to have had another year to be a Mammy to the best little lady in the world. She has been a rock for everyone and she will never know her worth in this world to us. At the beginning of 2019 I managed to finally release my “First Breath to First Step” journal (after so much doubt) with Pip&Ruby which sold out in a matter of hours after release, I am so so proud of that little journal. I got to witness one of my best friends get married to her best friend back in April. I also got to witness my sister marry her soulmate (and now officially my super bro-in-law) in August. They are now expecting the highlight for next year and I cannot wait to be an auntie! In October I got to have the best four days ever with my little family in Center Parcs, a trip I am forever thankful for that came our way. I was also blessed to celebrate both of my incredible parents turning 60 this year, my two biggest supporters and rocks. I got to see Ellie start pre-school in September (and go through allll the motions that came along with it beside her lol) . I’ve been fortunate to see her grow up and develop into her own little social self and nothing makes me happier than witnessing her bloom month to month since she started.
As you can see there’s been no big trips, big wins, or self discovery. The simple things in life are my highlights. Time with my friends and family, walks in the fresh air, being able to go to the gym to clear my head, counselling sessions, and sunny trips to the zoo and days off to enjoy being a Mam are what I’m focusing on and grateful for from 2019. I can get bogged down that there’s nothing huge accomplished, but when I realize 2019 sees the end of a decade- I have made huuuge changes over the last 10 years. I qualified as a midwife, helped to bring new babies into the world, passed my driving test, had the best holidays, got a long awaited fur baby called Bo, made new friends,  bought a house, became a mother, started a blog ……to name but a few milestones and happy memories, there’s loads more and I am so grateful. Life isn’t a race, things will click when they are supposed to; and this will be my mantra for the new decade ahead.

I sat down a couple of weeks ago to try and do a 3 year update on being a mother and I found that I couldn’t get the words down as I just feel this year passed me by in a haze of confusion and unrest.  I started this year feeling scared and I finish this year feeling scared  but I know for certain I’m strong. If you told me in Jan ’19 what I would get through by Dec’19 I wouldn’t believe you. We all have our “Everest’s” and 2019 has been mine, so here’s to 2020 bringing my smile back. Happy New Year folks, be kind and let’s do this!

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